What Kind Of Favor-Doer Are You?

I like to do a “what I’ve been up to” type of post on Mondays but since I’ve been up to moving in and relaxing, I’ll jump right into the usual types of posts and hopefully have something “personal” later this week.

So the concept of favors has been coming up a lot lately. I’ve vacillated between:

The person who NEVER asks for favors but happily does them for others.

I used to have boundless energy and vigor for favor-doing. I was addicted to volunteering and “helping” all around. It fed my thirst for recognition, credit and praise. I did it without a flinch and reveled in it. When I heard the words, “Would you mind…” I was bobbing my head immediately.

That same Never-asker but resenting favor-doing.

Life got more complicated. There was less “me” time. So, why? Why did I keep doing favors in a direction that I didn’t want to do them and never asked for anything in return? Well, I just wanted the time to get my own things done without feeling that I had to return favors.

I then attempted the Even-Steven/tit-for-tat favoring.

I realized I wasn’t immune to the need for favors so I thought this method could keep my friends happy with me. This sounded like a good idea when I felt taken advantage of but honestly my brain naturally doesn’t expend energy on this sort of tallying.

The modest favor-volunteerer for those who offer and give help with little to no nudging.

Yes, I need favors sometimes and I am so grateful to those who I can count on.

The best favors are when I don’t even qualify them as favors. These things bring me joy and that same ‘ol appreciation I longed for as a younger person. They are things I probably thought of on my own without that person asking. I never feel owed anything in these situations. Really. I go through periods of zero volunteering to moderate volunteering and it works now. There are certain people who I offer lots of help to, probably because they offer me lots of help too.

How do you deal with a situation where a friend asks you for something that isn’t a thing you freely and joyfully want to give?