When to IMPOSE Help?

There are the people who are good at accepting help (I’ll call them “yups”) and those who always defer (I’ll call these “nopes”).  I’m usually a nope.  Chris is a nope.  You can offer things to a nope and the nope will say, “oh, no, you don’t have to do that .” It seems clear that the nope is OK and does not require your assistance.  The truth is, sometimes the nope would really appreciate your help/company etc. but their answer will always be “nope,” so when do you insist?????

Chris flew down to California a few days ago to see his mother in critical care.  His mom has been in and out of the hospital often these past few months and we were unsure of the severity of this visit.  She called us to tell us she was about to go in for a procedure and I told Chris to go that day.  I was at home in Seattle “on call” to see if I should go.  Chris’ sister told him that he needed me there-there was to be a family meeting with the doctor the next day.  Their mother was in a medically induced coma at this point and she was on a breathing machine.

I was down here (California) less than 24 hours later for the meeting.  Chris is a nope.  Sometimes you think those closest to you can be honest about their needs but truthfully that isn’t always the case.  Sometimes you must IMPOSE your help on someone and just see what happens.  Trial and error.  I try to err on the side of imposition.  The recipient can attempt to fight me off if they truly do not want me around.  I’ll take that risk for my loved ones!  Just be there.  Presence is the most powerful gift to give.  You’ll never regret being there for someone but you can surely have regret for not having been there.