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Three months into baby number 3, I was hell bent on returning the now-yellowing chaise end of our white Pottery Barn sectional back to factory settings. Unfortunately, a sleep deprived mom isn’t a great chemist and although the fabric was getting cleaner, I wouldn’t settle for anything short of porcelain. I managed to accidently create a mixture of Oxyclean plus bleach that melted the sofa covers into shreds. I had actually transcended perfectionism and passed into the realm of both self and sofa ruin.
Does this sound a little familiar? You want things a certain way and it can get totally out of hand to the point of just ruining your sofa, your day or even your life?
Overthinking and Perfectionism Doom Loop
Overthinking and perfectionism are a doom loop that will leave you frustrated and even paralyzed. I’m going to dive into the reasons for these behaviors and give you practical tools to bring you peace.
While perfectionism can feel like having absolute control over your life, it can actually be causing a lot more stress than you want. This is what leads to burnout and unhappiness.
Overthinking and overanalyzing can be rooted in the fear of making a mistake or trying to live up to unrealistic standard.
The unrealistic standard should be a headline for our generation. Your subconcious has blended 15 of your favorite bloggers/TV Lifestyle Stars into this gargarganutan super woman named “Ina Martha Mcgilacutty” and every time you fall short, you say, “Ina Martha would have done it and it would have been beautiful.”
The Bar Keeps Rising
As an overachiever, you are fueled by success, but you also raise the bar each time you have a win.
My roommate on the Navy ship taught me the saying, “Squeezing blood from a stone.” At sea, we worked so many hours of the day and night on our feet with little sleep. Squeezing blood from a stone is getting something out of you when there is nothing left.
When you get into extreme thinking, decision paralysis can often follow. All of the sudden, even small decisions can be overwhelming.
You are worth more than your accomplishments. You are good enough just as you are in this moment. As much as your mind can argue with you, being right every time, and never making mistakes isn’t the key to true happiness.
Use the 80 20 Rule Like This
Consider the time tested, “Done is better than perfect,” for 80% of what you do. Spend your energy of super-analysis on 20% and be easy with the rest.
Do you know I used to be “famous” among friend for my dinner parties, holiday spreads or Pinterest worthy brunches? These days my 2 minute “cottage cheese toast” breakfasts, are good enough. Heck, they are great! The impressive Flying Dutch Baby pancakes straight out of the oven like an episode from Food Network are for lazy Saturdays every very once in a while if there aren’t: sports, playdates, birthday parties, someone with a cold, club competitions etc.
I save my 20% of intense decision making things like choosing a roof or picking a car. Long term, high ticket decisions are a great place to put your energy. These are investments that you decide on once in a while.
You don’t want to know how long I’ve spent ruminating on an “end of the year teacher gift.” This has now become part of my 80% kinds of decisions where I use the following tools:
Put a Limit on Decision Making
Create time blocks. When the time is up, go forward with the decision you’ve come up with so far. No more revisiting the decision.
Prioritize by Impact
Before going to bed at night. Choose 1-3 things that will make the biggest difference in your life. Maybe you have to settle an insurance claim, your child has a form that needs filling out, you have a work report submission deadline.
Usually there is a thing or two that is pesky and bugging you in the back of your mind that you have procrastinated. Add these to your list first and tackle it first thing, early in the morning if you can.
Delegate
It took me a while to teach the kids how to fold their laundry but OMG it has taken a third of the mountain out of the equation for me and worth every bit of time. Find ways to teach tasks so everyone can contribute. Let go of the grocery shopping every once in a while and order it or ask you husband to get it with a really great list. At first there will be a lot of texts and calls. You will want to never ask again but after a few times, he is going to be your grocery store hero and will also stop buying 80 extra random treats or specials at Costco.
Embrace Peace Over Perfection
This is a process. I love to encourage people to look at day 1 of when you started a journey and then look at the current state today. You will see a huge difference! You can do this. There will be growing pains but you will win overall.
Celebrate your wins and encourage yourself to keep going.
Remember what’s really important to you: connection, time and feeling peaceful. Focus on these as the true wins.
You are worthy of peace and success exactly as you are.
Ready to Stop Guessing and Start Thriving?
If you’ve ever wished you had a personal roadmap to stop overthinking and finally trust yourself, Human Design might be it.
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