I’m really inspired by Ashley of The Grits Blog who shared about her very recent, personal experience this week. My heart goes out to her.
A few times in my life when I’ve shared challenging experiences, it has drawn a community around me. A teacher of mine says that you have to feel in order to heal and that harboring/stuffing the pain leads to more illness. Sometimes feeling is just crying alone and other times it helps to share.
One time when a friend shared a secret with me and said that just saying it out loud after decades of keeping it in, completely changed it’s power over her. I totally know how that feels.
I think I used to respect people for being able to silently bear their pain and as I matured, I saw the strength that comes with sharing it. It really makes people feel so much more normal in the flow of things. I appreciate people who can be vulnerable. It’s a selfless way of helping others. ]I’m so fortunate to be in a wonderful relationship but in the past, I dealt with some challenges.
You know, I’ve been married once before. I am free of hard feelings and it is just my past now. In my heart, this is my true marriage now. I have a lot of friends who want to know about my past because they see how happy I am now and wonder if it’s possible for them after ending a relationship. It was hard for me to talk about but I know that it has helped some people and it drew in a community of other people who went through something similar.
How did your family raise you to deal with healing and what have you learned on your own?
Linking up with The Grits Blog, Eat, Drink & Be Mary for the Little Friday link up!
Tracey Colaianni says
Haha, you know we were raised with a “Silence is Golden” mentality…maybe even, “Secrets are Golden,” haha, I’m so glad that we survived.
Christina Warren says
You put it perfectly-Secrets are golden! LOL YES! There will always be some of those! 😉
Bethany C says
It’s so true–holding in pain and heartache makes it very difficult to recover from it. We have always been very open in my family (almost to a fault sometimes) but at the same time to tough things out. Plenty of honesty but not a lot of compassion. So for me it’s a mixture. I can tell my family what I’m feeling, but I don’t really get any shoulders to cry on. It’s tough. My husband is good about being that person for me, but I hate burdening him with everything all the time. I find that my girlfriends fill that void for me, though I’ve always wished my family could, too!
Christina Warren says
It’s really interesting how we have differing dynamics with people. I feel so lucky to have different kinds of outlets like yourself. My husband and I are really close too. I totally understand what you mean about preventing that “overburdening” feeling. I’m sure it’s impossible to overburden your husband! 😉 He LOVES you!
Anne @ Love the Here and Now says
There is something so refreshing and therapeutic about letting something go and putting it out there. Keeping things in and imaging responses to our secrets is oftentimes so much worse than the reality.
Thanks for linking up with Ashley and I!
Christina Warren says
I totally get caught up in my own head’s “reality” and it can be funky! 🙂 I agree, Anne. Love the linkup!
Thien Do says
Oh gosh, I could talk about this for daysss…as a Vietnamese woman, I was taught to keep things in. Privacy is important because respect for the situation and the other person was the biggest thing. I know now that my mind is the worst place for thoughts to be trapped in. I overthink things. I talk to myself and only myself in tough times and it’s the worst thing I could ever do. I find that I need to share in some instances…it’s healthier that way. And like you mentioned, just saying it out loud helps me accept the situation and helps me to control the power that it has over my emotions.
Christina Warren says
🙂 I totally understand privacy and respect. I hold those very dear as well. Some things I just need to say aloud to get that energy moving outward so I can address and move on! Other times I need to write, share etc. I say to myself, “Why do I want to feel bad right now?” Then I get my answer. LOL
Chelsea W says
When I was young, because I grew up in a military family, I was basically taught to brush everything off, never let anyone see you cry, and to NEVER tell anyone how you are really feeling; emotions just don’t need to come out except maybe around Christmas or something. As I got a little older and…as we came to find out, became extremely sick, it was surprising to see that I wasn’t the only one in my family to step across that strict, almost apathetic line. Illness affects not just the sufferer, but the family too–not nearly as much, but the damage is there–and the pain I go through is now shared verbally, through hugs, and yes, by saying just how deeply it really hurts. It’s really hard to look at the pros of a chronic illness, but I think the bonding that has happened with my family is truly a blessing.
Christina Warren says
Chelsea, I grew up in a military family as well. I totally know what that is like. 🙂 So glad to hear that you found healthy ways to deal with adversity! Thanks for sharing!
Pamela Bannon says
Thank you for sharing, Christina! It is so brave to make yourself vulnerable by putting personal feelings out there. Great job!
Christina Warren says
It can be totally tough, Pamela. A few years ago, I let go of some “excess pride” I had and started caring less about what other people thought of me. Of course there is still a lot of that but surely less than before. I hear it just happens as one gets older. 🙂
withluckblog says
Thank you for sharing, Christina. I love hearing about more personal pieces of my blog-friends real life. It’s such a weird thing because you keep up with these people every day. I feel like I’m more caught up with your life than I am with some of my real-life friends who live far away! And then posts like this come and you remember that blogs are just a small piece of your life. Such a strange feeling.
I, too, love when people share. I don’t love feeling at risk so it’s definitely difficult for me to open up but it’s been something I’ve worked on a lot in recent years. It’s just not keeping it in and letting it hold power over me.
Christina Warren says
LOL, you are so right! I know so much about my favorite bloggers’ lives!!! Yes, there were like a thousand things going on today and this post was a a part of the mix It IS so cool to see what people share. 🙂
Jessica (Coco/Mingo) says
Aw….I’m one to harbor my feelings inward, and when going through a tough situation, I keep it to myself or share with just a close friend or 2. It’s hard to express feelings and emotions especially when talking about them make me want to just cry my heart out. But I agree, when you establish such a wonderful community online, it’s such encouragement to share…not to mention, it could help out other people who may be going through the same thing!
Christina Warren says
Yes, I totally know all about harboring feelings! 🙂 It’s a dance and in the past few years I’ve let go a lot more. It became like snowball. I’m becoming less self conscious of my “problems.” I think part of it came from hearing so many stories from others and it made me realize mine were pretty small! 🙂
The Grits says
Thank you so so much your sweet words Christina. For me, writing is so cathartic and healing – in particular on the blog. It’s my space to say exactly how I feel and what I am thinking. Sharing my story and creating an open space to talk about what happened really helped heal a piece of my soul.
My family raised me to be very private and to just not talk about difficult times- or we talk about it once and that’s it. It’s really cool how the blog has helped me evolve out of that and has helped me learn to deal with difficult times in a better, more creatively healing way.
Christina Warren says
Writing IS so powerful! You are helping so many people! It’s cool how we can take what we learn from our upbringing and our own experiences to find ways to sort things out that work for us.
The Grits says
It for sure feels better to share than to keep it all locked up inside.
Christina Warren says
For me too! 🙂
jackie jade says
Ashley’s post was so heart-breaking. but yeah it sometimes feel so much better to talk things out and put them out there so then you can move on. and I had no idea you were previously married. happy that you in a happier relationship now!
Christina Warren says
Thanks, Jackie! Yes, many people are surprised that I’ve been married before. 🙂 I’m so grateful for everything in my life (past and present). Ashley’s post was so powerful.
Diana Newman says
I simply love this! you hit it dead on about healing, feeling and being able to move on 🙂 I love reading your posts!
http://www.dianamechelle.com
Christina Warren says
Thank you, Diana. My mentor has so many great sayings. He needs a blog!!! I tell him all the time. 🙂
Abby says
Ah, I just love your blog and the encouragement it brings! I really like the phrase “feel it to heal it”… so true and simple, yet so powerful. Thank you for sharing such a good reminder today. 🙂
Christina Warren says
Thank you, Abby. 🙂 I’m so glad you enjoy it! XO
Julie Enns says
I love this, it’s so true. After years and years of growing up with an anxiety disorder in silence, assuming I can A) Handle it myself and B) People won’t accept me if they know, I one by one started sharing it with family & friends and it was so hard, but afterwards felt so much better each time I let it go. It lessened the burden and was therapeutic in a way, just to talk about it out loud and not internalize every emotion.
Christina Warren says
Julie that is awesome. There were things that got so blown out of proportion in my own head. When they “hit the outside” they got so much smaller. 🙂 Beautiful example. Thank you!