How many of you have ever experienced couples/relationship/work place therapy or read a couples therapy type of book? When it comes to arguing I think it’s safe for me to say that:
a. Angry person states what is making him/her angry.
b. Other person validates the anger and apologizes for any misunderstanding/failings.
This equals hugging, love making, cookie baking, promotions, flying pigs and bliss.
Yes?
But don’t you just want to be right sometimes? Like you want the angry person to know that, “NO, that’s not what my intention was/you’re wrong and a turd for acusing me of that,” or “You are an idiot for thinking that way because THIS is how it is.” Now this will surely be received by an even HOTTER head and will result in a much more drawn out battle. Hopefully you’re blood sugar levels are good or else this could be a real doozy.
Basically sometimes it comes down to:
a. Being “right.”
b. Being “happy.”
Yes, we can have both but sometimes I pick one. Really, it’s not like I’m wrong and happy or right and unhappy but honestly if I’m going to prove my point to an angry person, I’m going to ruin my own day. Sometimes I have to suck it up for the peace of my home and take the bee line to, “you’re absolutely right, I’m sorry.”
The flip side is, if I’m the recipient of this magical, fantasy, doll-perfect, instant apology, I’ve got to take it and shut it so my appreciative feelings make the biggest/most memorable impact. Yes, a few closing remarks are ok, but the shorter, the sweeter.
Photo from Athens, Greece this fall.I am missing that iced coffee!!!
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