My Car didn’t Start Today so I Cried

I am deathly afraid of not having enough money.  I had a date to meet my friend at Bakery Noveau this morning.  I went out to my car and tried to start it like 4 times.  It wouldn’t start.  I had about 7 minutes until my 9:30 appointment so I promptly got out of the car and started walking.  At the moment, I was concerned about getting to the bakery on time to meet my friend but after the very fun morning of pastries, quiche and big girl talk, I cried.  Car trouble has been a symbol of poverty and family burden to me.  When I was 8, my dad started his first job out of dental school.  The struggling times of living on loans had finally started to subside.  They bought a BRAND NEW Ford Escort station wagon.  My mom was worried about driving it, so when she was backing out of our garage in Beaufort, South Carolina, she asked me to get out of the car to direct her backing out.  I got out and left my door open.  She backed out and the car door was destroyed.  I cried.

When I was sixteen, living in Maryland, I got into a car accident with my dad’s used Ford Escort (a different one).  My dad was back in school to become a specialist and again, times where tough.  They had recently put $800 worth of work into it, $800 lost when I totalled the car.  I was fine but I felt like I had put a huge financial burden on my family.  I cried.

So today, my husband gave notice at his job.  He has just accepted an offer for a new job.  I could not help fearing that I would be without a car because of the burden that would ensue.  One of the reasons I applied for the Navy scholarship in college was so that I could guarantee at age 18 that I would be gainfully employed the day I graduated, I would be loan free and my parents wouldn’t be burdened.  I worked ever since.  Until now.  I have worked to change my relationship with car trouble by always having enough in my checking account “emergency fund,” to cover any unexpected troubles.  Now that fund is gone and I am afraid that I will not have a car.  It is very different having to depend on someone else for things that I am afraid to trust someone else to.  I believe people live up to the expectation you set for them.  I’m working on trust.

Update:  The car just needed a quick jump and all is well.  Ah, the trust is working.  🙂