This is the first article in a series that will discuss things to consider when choosing your mate. We will start broad and get more detailed as the series continues. OK, so you’ve decided that you are ready to share your lifestyle with someone. That could mean dating or marriage. In dating, you could be looking for a litmus test partner or a potential long term mate. These are initial ponderings to consider way before the fights, you meeting their parents and setting the date.
The online dating sites are very good at distilling the important compatability matrices. I highly suggest you explore these sites to see who is out there looking for a mate and how do people choose to describe what they are looking for. I’ve tried it myself and learned so much about myself.
Here are 11 basic categories to ponder in terms of compatibility:
1. Lifestyle: What is your day to day life like? Do you work a 9-5? Are you a freelancer? Are you unemployed? Are you an artist who is developing a portfolio? Basically, how much time and what times of the 24 hour day are available to developing the relationship? Are you a workaholic? How much “alone” time do you need?
2. Fun: What do you do in your free time to recharge? Do you want a partner to share in these recharge activities? What vices do you have? Does your partner need to share them or would similar vices ruin you? A borderline alcoholic need not have a partner in crime.
3. Direction: Are you where you’re going to be in life for a while? Is this a transition period? Do you see life as a constant growth and change exercise? A student is in a very different position than someone who’s been working at the same company for 10 years and is waiting to make pension status.
4. Location: Where do you want to live? Ocean, mountains, desert? Urban, country?
5. Social Behavior: Are you a scene stealer or would throwing a birthday party for yourself be your worst nightmare?
6. Moral Code: Are you religious? Does he or she need to be? What is your moral compass? The preacher’s daughter sometimes works with the bad boy…but that’s probably because they share enough other commonalities.
7. Children: Yes or No? Ok if they have some? Do you have some? Are you ok with having ex parents in YOUR life together?
8. Culture: Is race or ethnicity important to you? Do you want diversity or familiarity?
9. Age: Similar ages or does it matter?
10. Appearance: Pick a few things that you want to wake up next to every morning. My husband said he loves my eyes and my smile because no matter how old I am, those will always be the same. Awwww.
11. Finances: What amount of money do you need to be comfortable? Are you a spender or a saver? Do you want to work and make tons of money or do you want to stretch out that modest inheritance you got from your great grandfather? I wanted to find someone who would encourage me to “live a little!”
The most important thing you can do here is to be honest with yourself. YOU are going to live with your own choices. Make them authentic.
What are some other things you consider in finding a compatible mate? What is most important to you?
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